To all the brave souls who managed to make it through both the Democratic National Convention and the Republican National Convention, we salute you. To those of you who only watched Ron Paul’s Counter-Convention, we say good luck on avoiding that income tax. We hear that fight’s going well. DJ Lyz and I stuck it out through both major conventions, our eyes and ear fixed boldly to C-SPAN for hours at a time. And what did we learn?

Modern American politics are a lot like high school. What a bunch of drama queens.

Now that we’re exhausted and find ourselves unaccustomed to eating dinner without hearing someone call someone else inexperienced or out-of-touch, it’s time to unwind and listen to some music.

 
Background Music: Richard Underhill - Moment In Time

BONUS: Here’s the video for that fantastic Battles tune:

In case you’re wondering about the lyrics to that tune, here they are: bask in their poetic glory:

People won’t be people when they hear this sound
That’s been glowing in the dark at the edge of town
People won’t be people, no
The people won’t be people when they hear this sound
Won’t you show me what begins at the edge of town

The singer is a crook
The singer is a crook
The singer is a crook
The singer is a crook
The kitchen is the cook
The scissors are the barbers
The singer is a crook
The chorus, full of actors*

*The chorus doesn’t matter (last verse)

Welcome back to school, ladies and gentlemen! Whether you’re still in school or long since graduated, or in the business of teaching, there’s no doubt that the return to school affects your life in some way. For some of you, it means a mad dash to your local office supply store to get that last box of those pens you really like. For others, it means those annoying college kids are finally out of your favorite coffee shop every damn morning. In any case, it’s cause for celebration.

Have a great year, everyone. Here’s some noise:

 
Background Music: S.M.V: Thunder

BONUS! Another video by Omodaka, this time the title cut from their Cantata no. 147:

Also amazing:

Okay this is crazy:

So I’m driving a rental car ’cause I got whanged by some dude the other day, so my bucket’s in the shop (did any of that sentence make sense?). I get in the thing, it’s some brand new Chevy with 30 miles on it… I look at the tag on the key, and IT’S FROM 2009. I’m driving a car from the future!

For a car from the future, you’d think it might have some futuristicky features, like power windows and doors. You know, really advanced things. Nope. Old school rollemup windows and annoying peg-lock doors.

The future blows. To quote everyone on the internet, ever, Where’s my f***ing jetpack???

Whatever. At least the music’s still good.

Background Music: Ben Allison & Man Size Safe: Little Things Run The World

You Know, the breaststroke, the backstroke, the crawl, the 100 meter, the 200 meter, the 4X200 meter relay… etc. etc. etc. ENOUGH ALREADY!

(Thanks DJ Lyz for the title)

If you’re sick to death of the Olympics and all its Jingoism (or perhaps you just need a break from the inspiring internationalism, if you’re weird like that) this is the show for you. We’re doing a request show here on The Distance (a relative rarity) to break from the exhausting monotony of athletes performing feats you may only dream about. Seriously. Off the couch. Now. Do some yoga or something.

Know what fishman Phelps listens to through those ubiquitous white iPhone earbuds?

That’s right, baby. The Distance. (Or probably Dave Matthews. I don’t honestly know)

* Indicates requested tune. See? I Listen!

Background Music: Medeski Martin & Wood- End Of The World Party (Just In Case)